会挽||高三掉线

会挽。
=Ideria
是一条脾气不太好的老狗
冷圈常住民
墙头众多
就雷个APH极东 还有盾铁
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【无授权翻译】

#渣翻  欢迎捉虫 

#个人翻完还是觉得比较亲情向

#here we go

A Life of Wandering

NanakiBH

Summary:

Apologies are worthless to the dead.
道歉对于死者一文不值。

Work Text:

Death was no different than sleep to Able. One minute he was awake, the next he would be surrounded by darkness, his consciousness unaware, until his eyes next opened some innumerable amount of time later. While dead, he did not dream, but he couldn't remember the last time he was ever really asleep, couldn't remember what dreaming felt like. From the beginning, he never feared death, and, still, had not found a reason to fear it. Death was temporary; just an irritating inconvenience.
死亡对于亚伯来说跟睡上一觉没有区别。上一分钟还还醒着,下一分钟就会被黑暗包围。他没有意识,直到无数次重复之后再次睁眼。-死着的时候-,他不做梦,但他也不记得上一次真正睡着是什么时候,梦到底是怎么样的。一开始,他无惧死亡,现在他也没找到一个畏惧它的理由。死亡只是临时的,仅仅是-很不方便-。
  
Once, after one of his many cycles of rebirth, he awoke with the memory of a certain agent on his mind. That agent's face had been the last thing he'd seen; too foolishly close for either of them, though the distance had shown Able his own death that time. He wanted to see him again. It may have been a fluke that he'd been subdued by one simple man, but that upset had been like a breath of fresh air. He wanted to see him again, to fight him again, to look into the eyes of the human who'd killed him to see if he could find the source of his strength.
曾经,在无数次重生之后,他醒来是时候脑子里是关于某个特工的记忆。那个的脸是他看到的东西;像他们之中的任何一个一样太过于愚蠢,虽然那样的距离代表着亚伯那会儿已经死了。他想再见他一次。仅仅被一个人类打败应该是个意外,但那种不安就像空气。他想再次见到他,再次与他战斗,看看从那个曾经杀死过他的人眼中是否能找出他力量的来源。
  
As he feared, though, it had been a fluke. While he'd been wasting time regenerating, someone else had killed him. It was a shame, too. It wasn't even one-on-one. That agent died for nothing, and for the first time in years he could not count, Able felt disappointed. The SCP Foundation personnel seemed surprised. They expected him to rampage, but he felt uninspired.
他害怕了,即使这只是个侥幸。当他把时间浪费在再生上时,有人杀了他。这也是个耻辱。甚至不算是一对一的打斗。那个特工死的毫无意义,然后这么多年来 亚伯头一次感到了失望。SCP基金会的人似乎很吃惊。他们希望他暴走,但他感到了无趣。
  
Perhaps that agent had been the one to have the last laugh after all, he thought. Able forgot how awful disappointment felt. While death held no lasting impression on his existence, disappointment was something he realized he would carry for an eternity.
也许那个特工就是那个可以笑到最后的人,他想。亚伯忘记了他曾经感到多么糟糕。当死亡不再对他的存在造成影响时,他意识到这种失望将会永远伴随他。

He would find another honorable adversary eventually. He hoped he would, at least. There had to be someone else who would make him feel as though death had meaning. Potential adversaries were born every second – sometimes thousands and millions while he was locked inside to reform, so there had to be. Eventually.
他希望最终他可以找到一个可敬的对手。至少他希望。一定会有别的什么人可以让他感到似乎死亡还是有意义的。有潜力的对手每时每刻都在出现——有时有成千上万个,当他被锁起来重生时,所以最终一定会有的。
  
The cycle continued as usual. Each time he awoke, he was once again in the “care” of those Foundation people. He would try to escape, they would find a new way to destroy him, and he would be surrounded again in the blackness of death until he revived again. It was tiresome, but he knew that the SCP Foundation couldn't hold him for eternity. No human could live that long, and no human construct like the Foundation could exist for that long either.
这轮回像往常一样持续。每次他醒来,总是有一次被置于基金会的看管之下。他逃跑,他们会找到新的方式毁灭他,他会被黑暗笼罩只到再一次复活。这很烦,但他知道基金会不会永远控制住他。没有人类可以活得那么长,也没有任何像基金会一样的人类组织可以存在那么久。
 

A voice came to him in the darkness. It tickled his awareness, and he opened his eyes slowly in that dark and freezing chamber. As it was a part of him, he could feel the light touch of someone's fingertips against the surface of his chamber, delicately tracing the locks, brushing over the symbols engraved upon it. It was a familiar touch; someone he knew.
在黑暗中他听到一个声音,这吸引了他的注意。他在那黑暗冰冷的房间里缓缓睁眼。他感到某人指尖轻轻触碰他的盒子的表面因为那是他的一部分。优雅地沿着那些锁,略过那些深深烙印的符号。这感觉很熟悉:他认识这人。

His pulse surged, pumping rage through his veins.
他心脏狂跳,跳动的愤怒顺着血液流动。

This was not a member of the SCP Foundation. This was not the agent he longed to see again.
这不是基金会的成员。这不是他渴望再次见到的特工。

“I went through such trouble to get here.” Metal fingers ran down the front of his door, squealing. “Haven't you rested for long enough? Won't you come out to see me?”
“我克服了这么多麻烦就为了到这儿。”金属手指划过他的门,发出尖利的声响。“你还没休息好吗?不出来见见我吗?”

Able couldn't understand why Cain was there, but the sound of his voice filled him with anger. He wanted to kill him, but he knew what Cain had become and knew that there was nothing he could do that would satisfy his rage. He had become such a loathsome and pitiful existence, cursed by God and the Earth to live and see all and never die.
亚伯不知道为什么该隐会在这儿,但他的声音使他重新充满怒火。他想杀死他,但他知道该隐变成了什么,也知道他对自己的愤怒无能为力。他变成了由神和地球创造,亲眼看着一切却不会死去,这样一个既令人作呕又可怜的存在。

Able closed his eyes again, willing his emotions to subside, and prayed that God grant him the ability to kill him.
亚伯再次闭上眼睛,强迫自己平静下来,祈祷神明赐予他杀死该隐的能力。

He waited. He knew that Cain was waiting for his own response, but time was of no significance to Able, so he waited, hoping that God would answer.
他等着。他知道该隐在等他的回答,但是时间都亚伯来说并不重要,所以他等着,希望神会回应他的祈祷。

As expected, he heard nothing but silence and the sharp caress of metal against metal. Simply, he wished that Cain would eventually understand that he was a part of Cain's curse, fated to exist for as long as he, living solely to die the way that he had in the beginning, falling at the hands of another.
他除了金属之间尖利摩擦声以外什么都没听到。他仅仅简单地希望该隐可以明白他是该隐诅咒的一部分,注定会和他存在得一样久,只有像在最开始的时候,他倒在另一个人手下那样,他才会死去。

Cain knocked on the chamber, the metal sound rattling around Able's head.
该隐敲着盒子,金属声在亚伯耳边回响。

“You can hear me in there, yes? As I said, it was quite an effort to get here. I'd really like to see you.”
“你在里面可以听见我,对吧?正如我所说,我为了到这儿下了不少功夫。我真的很想见见你。”

The years and continuous cycle of life and death must have finally done something to him. Suddenly, Able found it hard to care. Cain could probably open the chamber if he really tried, but Able felt no overwhelming urge to open it on his own. He knew what to expect now. If he opened it, Cain was just going to kill him – not that he feared death. He could just see where this encounter was going, and it was already boringly predictable.
这些年月和循环往复的生命以及死亡最终一定在他身上留下了什么。突然,亚伯发现这很难去在意。如果该隐认真去尝试了,他可能会打开这个盒子。但亚伯却没有亲自打开它的想法。     如果他打开了它,该隐就会杀了他——并不是说他怕死。他只是可以看到这些相遇都在哪儿,这都可以被无聊地预料到。

“Leave me,” he muttered, unconcerned whether he could hear him or not.
“走开。”他喃喃自语,没有考虑到该隐是否能听到。
Cain was quiet then, but Able knew better than to think that he left.
之后该隐沉默了,但亚伯知道
  
“What if I say 'please'...?”
“如果我说‘请’呢?”

“Don't be ridiculous. I know your games.”
“别搞笑了。我知道你的把戏。”

“It must be awfully uncomfortable in there,” Cain said, placing his hands back on the door. “It's very cold in here – far, far below freezing, from what I can tell. It must be like hell in that coffin of yours.”
“在里面一定很不舒服。”该隐说,把手放回门上,“里面很冷,比冰点底得多,比我所知道的底得多。你的棺材里一定像地狱一样。”

He scoffed. “I won't be provoked this time. Go back to your facility. I'm sure you're causing trouble for the personnel.”
“这次我不会被激怒了。回到你的收容设施。我敢确定你一定给那些工作人员造成了麻烦。”

“You care?” Cain asked, sounding genuinely, infuriatingly surprised.
“你在意?”该隐问,听起来很真诚。令人恼怒的吃惊。

“More than you. Do you even possess the capacity to care about anything anymore?”
“比你在乎。你有资格在意任何事情吗?”

He stroked the surface of the door, and his fingers closed around one of the locks. “I care about myself,” he said, flipping the lock open with ease unseen by any other. “I care about you.”
他敲着门的表面,手指靠近那些锁着的锁。“我关心我自己,”他说,轻轻敲着那些锁,轻松打开他们,另一人并没有看到,“我在意你。”

One after another, he flicked open the locks that surrounded the door of his chamber. When Able would will one to close, Cain would simply reopen it until he had all of the locks undone. There was no point in trying to stop him unless he wanted to go back and forth with him forever, locking and unlocking them endlessly. Once he had the final lock undone, the door slid open with a stale hiss and a gust of frigid air.
接下来,打摁开了盒子门边的那些锁。当亚伯关上一个的时候,该隐可以轻松的再把它打开直到他打开所有的锁。尝试阻止他是没有意义的,除非他想回到过去,不停地开锁与解锁,与他永远对抗下去。最终他打开了最后一个锁,门被打开了,吱呀作响并带来一股冰冷的风。
  
Cain stepped inside and looked up at him where he hung suspended by chains.
该隐走进来,看着他被链子绑起来悬空的地方。

“I missed you.”
“我想你了。”

Able knew that he wasn't lying, but he also knew that Cain didn't perceive things the same way he did. He didn't miss Cain, and he didn't understand the way Cain missed him, even if he were telling the truth.
亚伯知道他没有说谎,但他也知道该隐不会像他一样感知事物。他并不想念该隐,他也不能理解该隐为什么想念他,即使知道他没有说谎。

He could have released himself from the chains, but he chose to stay in place as Cain approached. Hands outstretched, he ran his black fingers over his cheeks, curiously touching his skin. He pushed his hands through his hair and stroked the back of his head.
他本可以把自己从链子上解下来,但在他该隐到来时选择了就带着那儿。他伸开手指,轻轻扶过亚伯的脸颊,好奇地触碰他的皮肤。他的手穿过他的头发,敲了敲他的后脑勺。

“Your hair got so long. You were in here for about twenty years this time. It looks really nice on you.”
“你的头发太长了。这次你在这里面20年了。”
  
So the Foundation was still standing, even after that much time. Part of him felt disappointed. More importantly, there was something he wanted to know. “How did you get here? From what I remember, all contact with me was supposed to have ceased. Unless there was an upset, I don't think the Foundation would have approved of this.”
这么说基金会依旧屹立不倒,即使过了这么久。他感到有点儿失望。更重要的是,他想知道一些事情。“你怎么来这儿的?我记得一切跟我的联系都被中断了。除非出现了混乱,但我并不认为基金会会批准这个。”

“Again... You care?” Cain asked, grinning smugly.
“再问一次……你在意?”该隐骄傲地露齿而笑。

Able sighed. “What do you want?”
亚伯叹气:“你想要什么?”

“I couldn't help myself.”
“我控制不住我自己。”

Able knew better than to feel threatened. “I'm surprised. You must've known I wouldn't be pleased to see you. Do you have a death wish?”
亚伯知道不值得感到害怕。“我很吃惊。你一定知道我并不想见你。你想死吗?”

Cain snorted humorlessly. “As if I could...”
该隐冷漠地发出轻哼:“如果我可以的话……”

“Were you looking to apologize? Repenting might be the only thing left for us.”
“你看起来像是来道歉的吗?我们俩之间唯一剩下的东西只有悔恨了。”

“You want to change your ways now?” Cain asked, surprised once more.
“你现在想做出改变了?”该隐更加惊讶地问。
  
He shrugged the best he could while suspended. “Nah. It was a suggestion. You may have considered it, but I thought I'd mention it again just in case. After all, you must be thinking differently right now if you're here with me.”
他尽力地在被悬空的情况下耸了耸肩。“不,这只是个建议。你可以考虑一下,我不过只是觉得在这种情况下我想再提一次。毕竟如果跟我在一起你的想法可能会不一样。”

They were miles below sea level. For Cain to have reached him, he must have had to kill and deceive numerous Foundation personnel. That must have dispelled his illusion of harmlessness. He was the real one in charge. It just surprised Able that he would be willing to sacrifice his image for a whim.
他们现在位于海平面以下数英里。该隐为了见到他,一定欺骗或杀死了很多基金会的工作人员。这一定消除了他不幽默的错觉。他才是真正的被看管的那一个。亚伯只是惊讶于自己愿意把自己的想象力献给这样奇怪的想法。  
  
“I may not be able to kill you, but that won't stop me from trying,” Able reminded him. It seemed pointless for him to have come.
“我可能杀不了你,但这并不会阻止我尝试。”亚伯提醒他。但这好像对于他的到来来说毫无意义。

Cain released him, and he lifted one mental hand to gently brush aside the hair covering his forehead to show him the mark that branded him.
该隐解开了他,接着他抬手轻轻撩开他额前的头发,烙印于额上的印记显露出来。

Snarling, Able strained against his chains, his resistance slipping the moment his eyes saw that familiar word scrawled into his skin. “Why did you come?” he demanded, tightening his hands into fists. “You remember everything. Are memories not enough for you?”
亚伯咆哮着拉扯他的铁链,此刻他的目光移开,看到了那些潦草涂在皮肤上的熟悉的文字。“你来干嘛?”他问,捏紧了拳头,“你记得一切,回忆对于你来说还不够吗?”

He let his hair cover the mark again and lifted his hands to stroke Able's hair. It was a deceptively gentle touch that made the blood in Able's veins boil. “I told you, didn't I? I just wanted to see you. You're very different from the person in my memories.”
他让他的头发再次遮住那个符号,并举起手轻抚亚伯的头发。这虚伪的温柔抚摸让亚伯的血在血管里沸腾起来。“我告诉你了,不是吗?我只是想见见你。你和我记忆中的那个人太不一样了。”

“You killed that person,” Able growled, spitting at Cain's face.
“你杀了那个人。”亚伯咆哮道,唾液溅到该隐脸上。

  
For a tense and silent moment, Cain looked at him, and Able held back his rage with all of his might so that he could hold his gaze. Cain was nearly impossible to read, but there was something else there, beneath his cold, hardened expression. For all of the things that Cain could remember, Able wondered if he could remember the person he used to be, whether he could remember the warm smiles they used to exchange with each other as they walked by each other's sides in the verdant fields.
在这样一个寂静又紧张的时刻,该隐看着他,亚伯用尽全身的力量控制住他的怒火,所以他可以控制住他的目光。该隐几乎不可能读懂,但这儿还有什么东西,在他的冷漠之下,坚固的表达。在该隐的记忆中,他好奇他是否记得他曾经是个怎样的人,是否记得他们漫步在青翠的田野之间,曾经交换的温暖的微笑。
 

Now, the Earth became dry beneath Cain's feet. The only place where he could humbly exist was in the sterile environment of the Foundation.
现在,该隐脚下的土地开始干涸。唯一他可以苟活的地方就是基金会那片不毛之地。

The look behind his eyes said that he indeed remembered the sun and green land. In their cursed eternity, however, he was beginning to lose himself.
他眼睛里面的东西表明他确实记得那太阳和绿地。在他们所诅咒的永恒里,他却开始迷失自我。

He felt wronged, he felt jealous, and he felt guilty.
他感到委屈,他觉得嫉妒,他也觉得内疚。
  
There was nothing to apologize for, and Able would have only felt more enraged if he had tried.
没有什么好道歉的。如果他尝试了,亚伯只会感到更愤怒。

“Pathetic,” Able muttered, hanging his head, dropping his shoulders. “You're lonely.”
“真可怜,”亚伯小声说,低头放松肩膀。“你真孤独。”

Slowly, Cain lowered his hands back to his sides and his eyes met the frozen ground. “I thought... I wanted to kill you,” he admitted.
该隐慢慢地放下他的手,眼睛放到冰冷的地面上。“我想…我想杀了你。”他承认。

“What changed?”
“什么变了?”

He turned and began heading for the door. As he neared it, his feet slowed. Without turning around, he said quietly, “I just realized – you weren't the one I wanted to kill.”
他转身走向门口。当他靠近门口时脚慢了下来。没有转身,他平静地说:“我只是明白了——你并不是我想杀的那个人。”

The door closed behind him. As he heard Cain's footsteps retreating, Able relocked each of the locks surrounding the chamber door. He hoped that he could get a little more rest, but he knew that he couldn't expect to stay asleep when Cain had left him with so much to think about.
门在他身后关上了。随着该隐的脚步声渐远,亚伯重新锁上了立方体周围的每一个锁。他希望自己能休息得久一点,但他知道自己不可能在该隐留给他这么多可以让他思考的东西之后睡着。

The thing that angered him the most was Cain's ignorance. He was glad that he had finally realized who his anger should have been directed at.
最让他愤怒的是该隐的忽视。他很高兴他最终明白了该让自己的怒火指向谁。

Maybe now, he could expect to find a meaning in life and death.
或许现在,他会期待找到生命和死亡的意义。

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